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NUFFNANG

• The educator? The parent or the tutor?
• Long Lost Post
• A change
• [no title]
• humans need companion
• MOney Money Money
• oops..when you turned 24
• unsure
• 错了但是放不下
• Caught in the middle

September 2008
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Yada, yada. Nothing much here yet


Current obsession:
GetItHere! lalala~ :D


**in progress..hehe

We had photo taking today in uni..

My friends and i were all dressed up for it..we were seriously having a great time during that session..

We snapped a lot of memorable pics together..when the uni staffs were busy snapping us turn by turn, we were having our own pic session back stage..haha..

After that, it was time for lecture, my heart wasn't in lecture..we were all buzzing more abt photo taking..haha..

After lec, we went for food..then we went to lib..I saw HIM..

I think it should be his session..

I wanted to get a drink (it was really..ajinamoto soup item..haha)..when I went down..I was..i don't know..I just have this instinct to turn left and I saw him..we..right in the eye..god..that time, I felt like, time stood still..

I just managed to looked down and walk away to the canteen..

My friends made a last minute

let's go for a movie

and there we were, booking for a ticket and watched to together..

Overall, the day was great..although the movie wasn't that great..but the companies are

Honestly, my day today, I really enjoyed it.Although I saw him..it really made me trembbled for no apparent reason..Seriously, all I can say is,

THANK GOD

although I seen him..I did asked god a few times that

will I see him again?

and god answered it today..with a little pinch of extra to me..I didn't expect it..I expected nothing of it..and I know this will be the last "seeing" because time is running fast and we will no longer in the same ground..

I hope you're happy with it, (for the last time calling..)darling

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while


'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go


Romeo, save me,

they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said

Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes


'Cause we were both young when I first saw you



Act 1:
My friend taht I went to the car showroom with that day, remember??YUP, my friend sure is buying 1..so excited!!My dear friend went round looking for it..haha..even TALKS abt it everytime..that's so great..=)

me?well, I'll just tumoang gembira la..haha

Act 2:
Have you ever wondered what determine our life??

Ourselves? People around us?Our parents?God?or it is simply fixed when we were born?

Some people tends to always get to runaway from a harsh life..

Yet some people don't..

No matter running away from any sort of problems also, it eventually comes back..and the best thing is..?

It tends to come on and on all over again..

Typical huh?

Life is unpredictable..life is like..the economy downfall now a days..ha ha ha~~

To me, we can plan but we can't promise that things works out as what we wanted..so we need to be strong to acheive what we planned and aimed for..



Oh my god!! Oh my god!!

I'm going to fulfill it!!!

I'm going too!!!

I'm so excited!!!

Can't study, can't do assignment..

NO! STUDY GIRL!!!

RELAX!!!



ANother trip to sri petaling..

NOt as fun as the previous but it is still something relaxing for me..

It was very very jam today when we weere on our way back..so we all get to fill ourselves details abt each and everyone of us..

Today, mostly are talking..chatting..and it was great =)

We went to mid valley before heading home..we wanted to catch a movie but it was packed with people so we decided to let it a go..

It was seriosuly a relaxing outting..flipped books abt cooking, malaysia maps, motor mags..

it sure was informative..from hp to cars to laptops to movies..and manga..sigh..

from handphone ornaments, bling blings for phone..haha..

Short, simple but relaxing..

But I don't seem to find a directory in the gardens..weird huh??It shouldn't be..maybe because I didn't put effort to look for the directory..

then, 1 of my friend said

I asked him he wants sushi or not..then he said "anything"..then I thought he didn't want, so I didn't buy..then later he asked me "you bought or not??"..aiyo, if you want, then just say you want..swt

haha..the this is the part and puzzle of love
Anyway, Thank you



Kiranya kau tahu
(If you know)
Apa yang tersimpan di hati
(what was kept in the heart)
Hanya tuhan yang mengerti
(only god knows)
Betapaku kecewa
(How disappointed I am)

Air mata ini
(This tears)
Adalah luahan duka
(Are the pain that I felt)
Tidak pernah kau mengesatnya
(You never wipe it off)
Sekalipun tangisan darah
(eventhough it is tear of blood)

Aku tak upaya
(I'm not capable)
Ku tak berupaya
(I'm not capable)
Meraih cintamu
(to grasp your love)
Biarpunku serah segalanya
(although I've given everything)

Aku tak upaya
(I'm not capable)
Ku tak berupaya
(I'm not capable)
Biar apapun yang kan terjadi
(no matter what happens)
Menantimu …
(I'll be waiting for you)
Selamanya ...
(forever..)

Aku tak upaya
(I'm not capable)
Ku tak berupaya
(I'm not capable)
Hanya tuhan saja yang menduga
(only God understands)

Aku redha ...
(I'll leave it to faith)
Tak berdaya
(incapable)



Act 1:
Another day, another life..

ANother joy another sorrow..

Life is a surprise!!

A miricale happened yesterday..It really lighted my life up..well, my life is lit up =)


ACt 2:
Have you ever wonder what would it be if you tried the other path instead of this path in life??Should we do that?Should we ponder?Seriously, I really have no idea what is the purpose of life..

We grow up
Fall in love
Hurt ourselves with it
then might fall in love again hence married, children and death
if the otherway, will be alone till death

the purpose of life?
Its not known

After surfing around, mostly are
(1)to know what you want..
(2)know what you need
(3)what you are aiming for

then, I asked myself, what am I aiming for?

I then stopped on my tracks..

seriously, I USED to have aims..but now..
I think I have selfish aims..
Aims that only include myself..
Because one of my aim seriously is..

I don't want to get hurt again..

Menghitung hari
Detik demi detik
Masa ku nanti apa kan ada
Jalan cerita kisah yang panjang
Menghitung hari...

Padamkan saja
Kobar asmaramu
Jika putik itu takkan ada
Yang aku minta tulus hatimu
Bukan puitis

Pergi saja cintamu pergi
Bilang saja pada semua
Biar semua tahu adanya
Diriku kini sendiri



哭了　才發現自己真的受傷了
Cried, and then realized I was really hurt
你曾對我說你永遠是我的。
You once told me you were mine forever
為了愛情我把自己的幸福都忘了
For love I gave up my own happiness
你快樂　我就快樂
You’re happy, then I’m happy
也許,是我們彼此都太年輕了
Maybe, we were both too young
總是特別容易沉溺在愛情裡
Always too easily drowning in love
每當我再次看到身邊美麗的花火，
Every time I see beautiful fireworks beside me again
你已離開我　我還是想對你說：
You already left me, but I still want to tell you:

baby I love u so much, 你走了我的心在淌血
baby I love u so much, you left my heart bleeding
baby u hurt me so bad,想要你回到我的世界
baby u hurt me so bad, want you back in my world
baby I love u so much, 你給我的諾言已經瓦解
baby I love u so much, the promise you gave me has already crumbled.
baby u hurt me so bad

只要我們都愛著無論多苦都值得　說好的你怎麼忘記了
As long as we love each other, any pain is bearable
You promised, how could you forget?

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
baby Hold me tight

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take

He’s beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster



I'm feeling good this morning..
I have everything well planned..
I won't depend on dad to settle everything..he will take centuries to do so..sigh..so I'll do so myself to show that its essential to me..

My friend gave me a top and a bag as an encouragement to me..wow..I didn't expect that..it was really touching to me, and the best of all, my very same friend might able to help me to fulfill one of my aims and I'm flying sky high now..

With that, my day HAS to enclose by seeing a useless person in front of me..Was really an eyesore and happy day killing moment..to hell with it, it doesn't spoil me as I'm going to acheive my little aims that I had set for myself..thinking of it, I would like to call it

my new life resolutions

I can acheive it..because I worked for it..and

God help those to help themselves

I'm a survivor..this is me again, finally..I am strong in striving my best to be better..I have lots of dreams to fulfill..I promise me not only dream but to make it..

I CAN..











Everyone ask me "why are you still thinking abt some1 like that??!!"

Honestly, I wanted to know the answer myself too..now i believe in the saying

LOVE IS BLIND

Darling, you'll make it okie..just move on to your aims instead..

I KNOW THAT!!

But sometimes..its not that i wanted to think abt it..it just..comes..

I don't know why too..maybe because i'm not satisfied with him not trying to save us..too coward to do so..

So i felt that my effort are wasted..

This is life isn't it..

banyak orang banyak ragam

Love yourself dear..stop thinking..

Sometimes i think of saying"if there's anything that i can give a hand on, i'm always here"..

Then i think twice..because, know why? because he doesn't even NEED you to be in his life, let alone if anything at all..

Let yourself go girl..
Set yourself free..
You'll be better than thinking and hoping dear..

电话也已经喧闹不再
静静在一旁无奈
时钟也不知怎么停下来
我想你忘了什么是爱

Bought some stuffs..she just say"use your money"..fullstop..swt..

WHATEVER..expected..I'm not like..wanted anyway..

Well,went out with my friends to sri petaling today..then there's these group of guy (around 5 to 6 people)..when we were in the LRT, their msg alert was a snip clip of songs..then i soon got pissed with it because..it kept on and on, one after another's hp kept ringing..msging on the hp usually is like a chain reaction..you send, they reply..so image..all the way from sentul to sri oetaling, it has been ringing on and on..for god's sake..swt..

Moving on, we went to view some car showroom..boy, am i tempt!!!..can i have a car?? T_T I told myself I am going to own 1 and to learn it and viola!I'M A DRIVER..Well, honestly, I'm an idiot in driving to i vow to learn!!!DETERMINED!

After car shopping, we went to sunway pyramid. We walked and walked and walked..the deco were superb!!!But too bad..its Vday deco and..its not like I'm involved..sigh..

GIRL, YOU WILL MAKE IT GIRL!!!YOU WILL!!!

Today is the day I feared most to go through it..but I am GOING through my fears now..

No doubt that i did kept thinking and thinking AND THINKING

but girl, stand up..you can make it

A constant reminder to myself on my blog to ensure that I will make it..and to be able to realised I've gone this far



Kept telling my self that

Girl, you got to let yourself go!!

He is definately not worth it honey..Why are you doing this to yourself?

I so badly want to get the hell out of this but..the more I'm eager to, the more I unable to let myself go..

True, but strange......Well,maybe not strange

Imagine people..4 years..and he still..doubt you?

Its so clear now that who loves who..who is willing to DIE for the other..willing to do ANYTHING for the other..and girl,

ITS NOT HIM

Release yourself
..it became a nihilistic already girl..

Darling, set your foot out..

even babies had a hard time walking at 1st..they fall, then cried..then they were giving confidence and they SMILE, stood up and strted walking again..fnally, they were running..

You done it before..everyone does..but why you can't stand up again now?

You are who you are..

Do what you like..

Just take it slow (although you want to heal fast)..soon, you'll be looking back and wonder

WOW, HOW DID I GONE THIS FAR?!

Wipe off your tears..its not worth it

if you cry right now, its pain tears
but if you hold it
be strong
get on your way back
be the better person than you used to be
you'll cry one day
but that's tear of joy

you'll get through it..and one day..you'll find someone
who will hold you and hold your heart, take care of it carefully

There are times, where thingscan't be your way

My bf, or I should say my ex now..we had been together for 4 years..we are different..honestly, i did try to make ends work..everyone knows i'm the type who wants something, will definately strive for it..but sometimes..if the issue needs both people to work on it, it might not be it..

The other party is not as strong as you are..they can't handle it..thus they let go..you've seriously done evrything..to gain that confidence in him..but he seems not to pick up your point or your deed on this..then why you are hurting yourself??

Is he worth it?Is he giving you all the assurance and strength as a guy role?He did not..he doesn't even dare to apologise to your parents and yet he still blame you..says that he has that "memory"..i started to blame myself for this then..but girl!..the root of thr reason??He did not accept you as who you are..is that worth for you to cry over someone like this girl?

YOur deviating away from your aim..you want someone who

cared for you
..yes, he did..you want someone who

understands you, acceptes you..love you for who you are..
did he did this?NO.If he did, he accepted you as who you are..not kept on saying

"if i know you're a malay-chinese edu chinese, i wouldn't want you"

..

someone who is willing to solve problems with you, go through the rough with you
..did he?NO. Girl, this is not the 1st time he avoided problem, right?

Yes, he did held you tight, kept you warm, you laugh, you feel the joy..but he forgotten that..

He always said that you did not love him enough simply because you did not mention much..and honestly, i've seriously done every single thing to put the love into action like caring and etc instead of just merely saying it..

I've handmade things for him..because i didn't want to only buy..its the same..i want something that he'll keep and only symbolizes us..at 1st, he said he lve it..he sealed you with a kiss..honestly girl, when problem arises??What did he said?

He said

"you give me CHEAP things. My friends gets things like wallets, belt, watches..and you gave me all those..i have NOTHING..you given me NOTHING"

..

Is this the type that you want?Honestly, i gave my heart with it when i handmade it..it not the thoughts only..its also my feelings..He didn't realize that..He is too absorbed into people around him than you..

You loved him so much until you are thinking of his welfare only..and not others around you..worst of all, you're not even thinking of your own welfare..you study like mad just to make up the time that you've gone out with him..because you know if you don't, you'll drop..and honestly, i DID NOT ever, complained a single thing about "why am i doing this to myself just because of him??!!"..i did not..because i know both studies and him are equally important..i seriously think, by studying all out now, then we go out..with him, its my relax time..i have hobbies..but i didn't want to waste my time on it..i just want to be with him..

Hat did he said girl?Seriously, he said

"you always study study study..THAT'S ALL!"

..seriously, after studying this hard, i'm still an average..VERY average..i did not aim for sky high marks..i seriously did not..is it, that people wants a bf that supports you..girl, did he?? He didn't..

NOw, he is blaming you for all and he is leaving..you're here trying to make ends meet again..

Yet, he still had no effort on trying to work it out..explain to both sides about the situation here..

Girl, you've done your part..
i said to myself,"I CAN'T LET HIM GO"
Then girl, LET YOURSELF GO..
You tried..
He is not worth your tears..
You've seriously done enough..
He doesn't even have the courage to make things right girl..
He avoids you instead of trying to work things out together..
He doesn't even dare to tell you "I WANT A BREAK UP"..althought you asked him a few times that he wanted to break is it..
Girl, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO TRY TO PUT AWAY HIS FEARS TO MAKE THINGS WORK..IS THIS THE TYPE THAT BRINGS HAPPINESS INTO YOU..PERMENANTLY?

LET YOURSELF GO